How can you help them feel more secure and have a sense of belonging in their new home and community?
One way of doing this is through Integration. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, they define integration as an “action or process of successfully joining or mixing with a different group of people. Cultural integration is blending of two or more cultures. The culture may exchange their practices, beliefs, ideas, and rituals.”
This is especially true for parents and families who are deciding to adopt a child or infant who is internationally, transracially, and/or transculturally different than themselves and their community.
One way that my adoptive family could have integrated my racial, cultural and ethnic background and help the community become more aware is the same way they integrated their racial, cultural, and ethnic background into my life. For example, they could have found a way to observe some of the Korean holidays in addition to the American holiday in order to acknowledge my cultural and ethnic identity.
It is important for families to understand that by their efforts to assimilate their child into their culture, their intent may be coming from a good place, but the impact of that choice and message can be harmful for that child. Adoptive families must understand that they are joining and blending different cultural, racial, and ethnic backgrounds.
Oftentimes in our society, we have the mindset of this or that (meaning that things must be one way or another), but why do we have to choose? Instead of this or that, why can’t we say this and that.
When you adopt a child who is internationally, transracially, and/or transculturally different than you, you also adopt their culture. Thus, your family becomes multicultural, day in and day out. It’s not an easy journey and to be honest, it shouldn’t be. Just by going to an adoption camp, seeing a doctor, or eating out at your child’s ethnic background once a year, isn’t making a true integration effort.
If you were in that child’s place, would that be enough to make you feel like you belong?
Would you feel like you are being truly seen, heard, or affirmed? If not, perhaps, you’re only meeting your own needs and not those of your child. Below are some questions for you to assess on how you and your community are meeting your child’s needs:
- Can you find staple foods at the local supermarket that easily caters to your entire family’s cultural background?
- Is there a hairdresser nearby that can meet the needs of your entire family?
- In your family, do you incorporate the mindset of this and that, versus this or that? Are you practicing true integration?
If you answer NO to any of these questions, what can you do as parent to integrate this into your home, as well as your community?
As a parent, if integration means moving your entire family to a different community, are you willing to make that choice? If not, what other ways can you say Yes to integration?
Share with me the image, thought, and/or feelings in your mind when first reading about that 7-year-old child’s experience? Were you able to think of someone?
Now, as a parent and/or community member, what is one action that you can do today to incorporate integration? If you experienced any of this, share your story via email.